Friday 18 September 2020

Combatting loneliness


Mankind, by their nature, are said to be social being, who engage with others and live within the concept of family and circles of friendship. ‘Need and want’ are two aspects of human life that bind us all together but if they are not met we feel unsupported by others. We are all aware that loneliness is different from being alone and many people enjoy the happiest of lives in the company of a book or by surrounding themselves with nature. For many others, many Muslims included, engaging in the remembrance and Glory of God fulfils their needs.

So what is loneliness?  To me, it is the state of being where people feel totally unsupported, their needs are not given any attention and they feel socially alone even when surrounded by other people. In other words, they have become a ‘social outcast’. We also develop this feeling of loneliness when we have people around us with whom we don’t have meeting of minds, or a deeper emotional connection or intellectual or social bond.

Many experts would say that ‘loneliness’ is not a mental health problem. Nevertheless, a long drawn out period of being lonely can and does have an impact on the mental welfare of a person and may adversely affect their lives.

Loneliness is at the root of many of our physical ailments such as depression, anxiety, mental tension and sundry other health problems.

Islam is well aware of the grave human problem of loneliness and offers its own solutions, through Allah’s teachings for the welfare of human life. So let us see how Islam deals with this phenomenon of human loneliness.

Loneliness, as indicated earlier, often arises from a feeling of social abandonment or lack of emotional, spiritual and intellectual engagement in our lives. Islam deals with all of these aspects to bring a purpose to human life.

Islam, through its teachings, encourages a close relationship between a person and his Creator or Maker. What does this close relationship with Allah mean in reality? Starting with the spiritual aspect; a close relationship with God gives inner strength and contentedness, no matter in what state we may happen to be, but also encourages us to strive to attain a better state of being, through the Mercy of God, by asking Him for it. One way to forge this relationship is to develop an attitude of gratefulness to God.

The Quran says: ‘And call to mind when your Lord proclaimed: If you give thanks, I will certainly grant you more (increase you in My blessings), but if you are ungrateful to my favours, My chastisement is terrible’. S14 V7

What does an attitude of gratefulness mean? It is the recognition of the good things we have and to then share them with others. This encompasses anything that others may lack in their lives. It may look like a strange solution to loneliness, however, life is meant to be about sharing and mitigating the pain of others, in order to make our society a healthier place. If we pay only lip service in our gratefulness to God and remain tight fisted and uncaring towards others, we commit an unacceptable act in the Sight of God.

Islam emphasises that there is no place for any feeling of despair in our relationship with God, for it will dilute our faith in the bountiful providence of Allah. Islam encourages people to travel in the pursuit of Allah’s blessings, as provision among other people and in different parts of the world is affected by their places of residence.

Islam offers ways of engaging with each other. The concept of ‘Jama`ah’, congregation or collectiveness in the society, is very important and a religious requirement. It starts with the Five daily obligatory prayers in congregation in the mosque. Then Friday is designated as being the day of weekly festival, so that all people in the society can engage and look after themselves and reduce any sense of loneliness. 

Zakah, or the payment of annual obligatory charity and its distribution strictly among the people who well deserve it, is another way to look after people and minimise their sense of loneliness.

Fasting in Ramadan is a community event, which engages the community as a whole. One of the names given to the month is the ‘month of consolation and solace’ (al-muwasaat),i.e. when a person reaches out to others suffering from a loss, lack of resources or community congregations.  This to show that fasting is a support mechanism for all those who need support, seek social and spiritual strength, wish to bond with others, and is not only an exercise in being hungry and thirsty.

Society matters in Islamic teachings. Islam engages people with each other. In a hadith, which is a saying of the Prophet Muhammed, he outlines some of the social obligations placed upon Muslims. He says: ‘The rights of a Muslim on another Muslim are six: when he meets him he should greet him with peace, if he invites him he should respond to his invitation, if he seeks some guidance or sincere advice from him, he should give him such, if he sneezes and praises God, he should bless him, when he gets ill he should visit him, and when he passes away he should attend the funeral.’

In another hadith, the Prophet Muhammed likened the attitude of one person to another with a building, all of its parts supporting it. He also said: ‘He who does not show mercy is not shown mercy’. This is directed particularly towards the weakest in society, older people, children, women, people in the service to others and orphans. They are all likely to be more susceptible to loneliness.

The role of a neighbour is very important in Islam in looking after the welfare of his own neighbours. The Prophet Muhammed advised one of his companions about his neighbours saying: ‘Abu Dhar! When you cook your curries, increase it with water and look after your neighbour’. 

Loneliness is also caused when a person find himself unworthy and devalued by the people around him or does not visit enough venues to engage in socially healthy contacts. Islam encourages people and makes it a religious duty to engage with each other and help fulfil other people’s needs. Congregations, collective actions, meetings are always to be encouraged to achieve this. Attending the daily prayers in congregation is said to be 27 times better than doing it alone. This is because a person’s attendance increases his benefits to others, his care for the welfare of other people and the society he is living in.

In conclusion, Islam offers a mix of spiritual, social and economic solutions with which to deal with the problem of loneliness. What would be best way to finish this? For me, nothing better than a hadith of the Prophet Muhammed, highlighting the great sense of care in human society, when he said: ‘The example of believers in their mutual love, merciful acts and compassion towards each other is like a human body, when a particular part of it suffers an ailment, all of the body falters with lack of sleep and temperature’!